Parenting for the Brave

I thought I’d post some thoughts on parenting.  My wife and I have been parents for 26 years and can honestly say we’ve grieved with our kids and for our kids but never because of our kids.  We also worked with teenagers and families for about 15 years.  Take a look at some of the “big ideas” below.  Some you will have questions on and some you will disagree with.  I’ll throw out the big ideas here and expound on each as the situation dictates or as you have questions.

Learn from the birds.  Chicks start completely covered in a nest and then are one day booted off the end of the limb.  Start with a relationship of control and transition over the years to a relationship of trust.

  

Balance being consistent in your approach with each individual child, recognizing each one’s uniqueness, with the need to be fair across the family as a whole.

  

Your relationship with your spouse is more important to your children that your relationship with them.

  

There really is a place, especially with the younger ones, for balanced, fair, consistent, appropriate corporal punishment.

 

If you get involved in sports, do so with a purpose.  Use it to build character.  Winning isn’t everything.

  

Balance the ideas of “What you did is wrong and I’m never going to let you get away with it” with “There is nothing in the universe that will ever, ever make me stop loving you with all my heart.”

 

Take family vacations. Bring relatives together and share family stories.  It builds a bond . . . a heritage.

 If you’re parenting in a way that feels right . .  feels natural, it’s probably wrong.  You must engage in active parenting.  Process the idea of “What is best for this unique individual in this unique situation”.  If you just passively pursue what feels right and natural, you will be acting in your own best interests instead of your child’s without even realizing it.  Never make it a goal to raise good kids.  Make it a goal to be a good parent.These are the key concepts that worked for us.  Most will need to be unpacked and explained but again, I’ll do so based on the mood, or your feedback.